This is why I do it...

Last night, after I posted, I used CES and then I went to listen to music and found C in the chair.  I got something to eat and we talked and she asked me to stay with her.  So we spent several hours just hanging out together and she talked to me about what was going on in her life, and we had a great time.  Got silly at the end and we were doing stuff we used to do when she was 4, and it was fun and really helped me feel a lot better.  I enjoyed spending the time with her, and when we were just sitting and talking, and I was petting the cat, and she was being allergic to the cat (lol) in the living room, before we went into her bedroom, I thought, this is why I do it.  This is why it is worth it to have brutal days in therapy like yesterday.  So I can be present, and connect with her, like I did last night.

She ended up staying up pretty late.  (Like close to 1 AM).  But it was worth it to have that time with her, especially when she so clearly wanted it.  And when I did do stuff like tell her to get on her PJs, or brush her teeth, and she resisted, it still stayed fun, and she did what I asked.  She would do stuff like instead of going to brush her teeth, hiding in my room in my bed till I found her, and I'd have to drag her out (she isn't so light any more, lol) and then run to her room and dive under the covers.  Then I'd grab her and pretend to drag her out of bed head first and she would pretend to be scared and laugh and say "I'll go!  I'll go!" and I'd give her the beady eye, grinning at her, until she finally turned in the bathroom doorway and went in and closed the door.

It was a breath of fresh air I really needed.  And to know we can still connect like that even though she is a teenager now, and I'm dealing with all my "stuff" that I have to struggle every day to overcome.

R & B are coming today and we are going out to a movie together and out to dinner, and having a sleepover. So she is really looking forward to seeing B again.  Thankfully R managed to settle his trial so he doesn't have to work over the weekend and we can have some family time with just the two of them--that will be a nice change, since I think this is the only time they have ever had together without the two younger ones being there.